Orange were on to a winner when they brought out the Animals tariffs, we’re all a little animalistic in our mobile behaviour! But why stop at four? I can think of loads more examples! 

Dog – This is the tariff for your dad. He has no idea what phone deal he is on, would not understand if you told him, and as such is extremely loyal to whichever package he first signed up to.  

Love birds – Obviously this is an off-peak tariff, with billions of minutes, perfect for couples who like to spend hours lying awake listening to each other breathing.

Magpie - Ridiculously overpriced tariff that comes with the latest, shiniest phone on the market. The D&G Motorola Razr for example!

Monkey - Why has there never been a tariff released for the cheeky git who insists on ringing once then hanging up to make you call back? This will be a low minute, high text affair, seeing as he’s not going to actually connect any calls!

Shark – The business tariff. Particularly for cowboy tradesmen and car salesmen. Has special call alerting device that warns of troublesome calls requesting money.

Hyena - Each phone on this tariff comes complete with a built-in set of extremely annoying ringtones. Come to think of it, why isn’t there a crazy frog tariff?

Busy Ant – This tariff comes with a bumper answerphone service for people who simply don’t have the time to answer the damn phone!

Dinosaur – For people using phones so old they’re liable to become extinct. 

Fox – A particularly cunning tariff, aimed mainly at students, or anyone who can work out that they can actually get away without paying any money at all if they sell the phone on eBay for silly money, then borrow their mum’s old phone for the next year and a half!

Spider – special “web” tariff…

sorry.