We’ve all seen people walk into each other/poles/traffic because they thought their phone was more interesting than politeness/spatial awareness/survival, but some devices are even more intent on cutting you off from the world. Here we see gadgets that make the average person phoning in the cinema look like a Buddhist monk at one with the universe.

1. One person karaoke

In what can only be a first strike in a War Against Humanity, Tomy have unveiled the “One person Karaoke system“. So either they don’t understand that karaoke is a group activity, or we don’t understand how much they hate us.

A small, portable device which enables people to inflict karaoke at any location with no warning: that’s got to be covered under one of the new terrorism laws. Or if not, expect to see the “Come on, your honour, I HAD to beat him to death” defence to appear (and succeed) in courtrooms near you soon.(Note how the wearer gets headphones, so they’re the only person in the area who doesn’t have to actually hear the noise.)

2. The 360 degree view

Aerial combat has always been hampered by the fact that there’s 360 degrees of space, and enemy fighters aren’t always nice enough to appear above the tiny bit of the plane you can see through. No matter what Top Gun says. And even with all the fancy instruments the human brain will insist on trying to see things with its “eyes”, which is why the military are developing this awesomely evil looking 360 degree helmet.

Sensors track the position of your head and project a view of everything that’s around you, without that pesky “plane” thing in the way so you feel like you’re rocketing along thousands of meters up in the air. Durable underwear is doubtless an unofficial part of the package, and the whole thing is a bonus when you buy your very own F-35 Joint Strike Fighter. A snap at sixty six million pounds!Even better, this is the sort of technology that gets expensively developed by the military for the noble goal of blowing people up, but then leaks into the commercial sector for the far more worthy purpose of games where you just pretend to blow people up.

3. The Avatar system

For those who’ve forgotten how to interact with the world outside of keyboards and mouse clicks comes the “Avatar Machine“. A camera pointing at the back of your own head, wired to a monitor in front of your eyes, turns you into a player in “Real Life: The Game” You view yourself as you would in World of Warcraft, complete with awkward unnatural walking and extremely dubious looks from passersby.

The system also acts to unlock the secret “Hard Mode” of real life – if you think working or interacting socially is hard in regular life, just try it with this baby on!