Once more it’s time to say “Hey, guys who bullied nerds as kids, thanks for getting us all killed!” The scientists below might be talking about “innocent entertainment” and “life-saving surgery”, but take one look at these things and tell us they’re not a sci-fi plot waiting to happen. And if you do, we’ll know you’re one of them.
1. The Archie Horrorbot
Just as the wasp will warn you with yellow and black stripes, the “Archie” robot warns you by being a horrifying electrical nightmare-inducer.
We can only assume they forgot “part-spider” in their “Build the most horrifying thing ever” blueprints. There is nothing about that frame that is not distended, malformed or otherwise horrifying. The head looks like Hannibal Lecter murdered the Thunderbirds and made a mask out of their screaming faces. The team optimistically estimate that people will pay twelve grand to get one of these in their home. As opposed to paying for counselling after witnessing its awful electro-gaze, or paying for a hit on the nightmarologists who unleashed such a monstrosity on the world.
Bonus: Check out the cameraman on the right. He’s asking “Isn’t recording this like putting that tape from ‘The Ring’ on BitTorrent? Shouldn’t we be trying to kill it?”
2. CardioArm
Archie might be the worst combination of good intentions and evil science since “The Fly”, but the CardioArm was built by a roboticist watching horror movies and taking notes. What’s the worst thing a robot could do? If your answer wasn’t “Cut inside you and crawl around”, don’t worry, it is now.
It’s a robotic snake specifically designed to get into your guts and do things there. You might recognise this as something like the Terminator, the ultimate expression of unkillable robotic evil, didn’t even think of inflicting it on us.
3. iPhone-bot
Normally we at least wait until the robots gain evil sentience and seize control of our infrastructure before having them replicate. Not robo-collaborator “ogutti”, who wants to save our new metal overlords the trouble by building a metal body for iPhones. Thereby allowing them to walk around and dominate their brainwashed human slaves even more.
The ‘Robochan’ can walk around, copy human actions and – presumably – swamp even the most powerful army unit in unstoppable numbers. It’s also got an anime face, just in case being beaten to death an iPhone wasn’t humiliating enough.
Loading ...
Most Commented