Smartphones are a great way to learn what your friends are doing, only to discover you don’t want to know. And after forty-seven updates on the status of their stomach upset, simulated farm, and things they think (but can’t spell) about their boss, you don’t want to know your friends either. But what about the times they don’t tell you things via Facebook – like when they’re asleep? We’ve found three devices which help your phone spy on all around you.
The iZon is the rudest thing you can do with a phone including shoving it up someone’s bottom, because at least then it won’t have reception and can’t upload pointless photos to the internet. (And even if it could, no-one but their proctologist would recognise them.) The iZON (“eyes on”) Remote Room Monitor allows you to spy on anyone by dropping the device and watching it wirelessly over your phone. It can also be set to start when it detects motion.
Its makers Stem Innovation claim the device confers “peace of mind”, which is like saying a grenade is great for ending arguments. It’s probably the most impertinent way to start an argument possible: it’s a blatant announcement that you’re spying on them. Especially since the Apple-style whiteness is more conspicuous than a Ku Klux Klansman at the Million Man March, and about as welcome.
2. The Parrot AR Drone
The Parrot AR Drone doesn’t just hang around watching things happen, because “non-involvement” is an impossibility when you’re made entirely from spinning blades and internet.
You control the Parrot through your iDevice and can use it to spy on anyone not in a sealed room, or who didn’t have the doorway bricked up after them. If a human can get through an opening the AR Drone can follow them, a fact which will really suck for us when the Terminators attack. By watching the camera you can work out what people were doing before they start shouting “What the hell is that?” directly into your cackling robo-controlling face.
3. Smartphone Security Bot
Japanese firm Tmusk have developed the T-34 human capturing robot, and we are not even remotely kidding about that description.At least they’re honest by giving it a T-NUMBER name, making it very clear that they’re working for the Terminators. Just in case the “mobile drones designed to capture humans” part was too subtle for you.
We’re not saying they’re robotic spies, but we’ve noticed that fridge magnets stick to Tmusk employees and elevators reach their load limit when only one of them steps in. The T-34 can be remotely controlled by a mobile phone, for now. Other Tmusk products including a “firefighting” robot with massive robotic arms, hospital receptionist robots programmed to know when people are at their weakest, and a dentist-practice robot which simulates pain to give them all a reason for wanting to kill us.